Lou's 1970 pickup truck is getting new brakes and it has been raining every morning this week so no Harley riding to work for him. It's only 8 miles south of us, the shop that is, but riding in the rain here is suicide! So Lou has been taking my car to work since Monday. It has forced me into a little different routine. I don't mind that so much. I have cleaned things that have been calling out to me for a while. I have taken more walks than usual, exercised a little more and watched more TV than I care to admit. The change has allowed me to relax a little more too. I have been busy with a job or someone purposefully since I was 17 years old. This is the first time in my life that I have been relieved of duty for everyone else but myself. It is very strange. I keep hearing the command from the Universe to "give it time," and enjoy the change. Order will come out of this feeling of chaos as it has for everything in the universe at one time or another. I am getting it. Although I have been without wheels this week I have been in this new mode of freedom since the beginning of the year. Lou and I talked about my sense of restlessness and loss of purpose that I have been feeling since 1. Allene passed away a year ago 2. Katie is now on her own and Ben is settling in with Jill 3. The business is on automatic and my part can be done once a week now. 4. Finally and most importantly that Lou and I are in such a secure place with each other after 9 years of being together. That is probably the most positive influencing factor of all.
I love to have projects going, something with a defined purpose and end date so this has been really difficult these past three weeks adjusting to NOT having any of that. New thoughts have taken hold and I have given myself permission to just BE; no great novel to write, no project to complete, no one to counsel or support. It is lovely. I am beginning to change inside and see another side of myself.
I was out at the dock twice yesterday; once at around 2pm, gorgeous sunshine, breezy, perfect temperature. The New Yorker came and I spent about 90 minutes just reading and sitting quietly. Then after dinner I went out again, this time it was cooler. The moon was full and I snapped the above photo with my phone. I cannot explain my attraction to water, but it is so strong and gives me so much comfort. I feel like I am connected to the big picture (whatever that may be) when I am near or on the water.
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